


it's a love that will keep me holding on.

by brooklynbis



Series: Simon and Bram VS The Chronic Illness Agenda. [4]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Anger, Angst and Fluff, Boyfriend Goals, Caretaker Bram, Chronic Illness, Diabetes, Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Movie based, Protective Bram Greenfeld, Sensory Overload, Sick Fic, Sleepy time, Supportive Bram Greenfeld, bram is a great boyfriend, bram takes care of simon, cuddly boyfriends, diabetes is a bitch, diabetic simon, diabetic!simon, diabetic!simon au, hyperglycaemia, sleepy boyfriends, spierfeld, supportive boyfriends, type one diabetes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 09:23:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15554610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklynbis/pseuds/brooklynbis
Summary: "bram?" simon asked from where he was sat on the sofa."yes my love?" bram asked as he poked his head around the corner from where he was in the kitchen."why do we have ears? They're weird."______________AKA the five hyperglycaemic moods of simon spier.





	it's a love that will keep me holding on.

**Author's Note:**

> again, this is mainly based off my own experience here (very heavily in fact). all systems used will be british as I'm from the UK, hopefully that doesn't get too confusing for anyone. 
> 
> trigger warnings : sensory overload, dissociation, needles, mentions of blood tests (let me know If there is anything else that should go here!)
> 
> title from 'better' by syml. lowercase intended. 
> 
> comments, feedback and kudos would be appreciated if you enjoyed, plus any prompts which you can leave in the comments or in my tumblr ask box @/brooklynbis

1\. 

"bram?" simon asked from where he was sat on the sofa. 

"yes my love?" bram asked as he poked his head around the corner from where he was in the kitchen. 

"why do we have ears? They're weird," he said completely serious and it was everything bram could do not to burst out into laughter. 

"so that we can hear things," he replied with a smile on his face. 

"but why ears? They stick out everywhere and get in the way," he argued with a frown. 

"i'm gonna go get your testing kit, alright si?" he said and didn't wait for confirmation before grabbing the stuff he needed out of the drawer. They had moved in together a few months ago and it was nice, just them. 

Simon was still babbling about ears when bram came back. He moved onto eyebrows when bram was sitting on the coffee table in front of his boyfriend, testing his blood sugars for him. He was so unaware of it in his ramble. 

"you're not listening to me!" he said with a shocked tone suddenly as bram looked up from simon's finger with an amused expression. 

"yes i am, you're currently talking about why eyebrows are different colours and all the different things you could do with them," bram said, raising his eyebrows as simon contemplated this and nodded before continuing. Bram looked down at the meter before grabbing simon's insulin pen. 

"you're 29.6 simon," he informed him, receiving an audible gasp from simon and bram struggled not to laugh. 

"noo, that's bad," he whined as bram nodded. 

"it is, but we're gonna fix it, okay?" he said, gently grabbing simon's arm so he could inject it. 

"oww, you hurt me," simon said and when bram was waiting for the time to take it out, he looked at his boyfriend who had an adorable pout on his face. 

"sorry babe," he said, taking the needle out and pressing a quick kiss to simon's lips before getting up to dispose of the needle. When he was almost done putting the needle into the yellow bin and putting simon's kit away, he felt around wrap around him from behind as simon rested his head on bram's shoulder. 

"do you wanna hear something funny?" simon mumbled as bram nodded. 

"you're actually my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend!" he said happily before giggling and bram turned around in simon's arms with a big grin on his face. Whilst he hated simon not being well, he certainly didn't mind this version of his boyfriend. 

"yes you do, and you have had one for quite a few years now darling," bram said as simon laughed again and hugged him tightly. 

"how did i get so lucky?" he asked into bram's ear as bram returned the hug, loving the feeling of holding his boyfriend and being held by his boyfriend. 

"i could ask the same thing," bram replied quietly as simon gasped and pulled back slightly. 

"have i ever told you how pretty you are?" he said, making bram cough to hide his laugh. 

"yes, you have," bram replied, as simon let go of him slightly. 

"i'm going to go and get your ketone meter from our bedroom a minute, okay? I'll be right back," bram said, pressing a kiss to simon's cheek before wriggling out of simon's arms and jogging up the stairs. Sure enough, he quickly found the meter they used less often in his bedside drawer, and just as he was about to leave the room, he heard 'telephone' by lady gaga and beyonce start to play from the kitchen rather loudly and this time, bram did laugh. 

Just before he walked into the kitchen, he peeked around the doorframe and watched with a loving smile as simon was doing some rather weird dancing to the song, but he was clearly having a good time. 

"bram! Come dance!" simon said when he spotted bram stood in the doorway, quickly coming over to him and grabbing his hands. 

And as he joined simon's weird dancing group, to song after song after song, he knew that he wouldn't mind if this version of simon made another appearance in the near future. 

2\. 

It was a regular evening. Bram had left the house to grab some food that they needed to tide them over until they did their food shop on the Saturday, and simon had stayed at home, because he said he wasn't in the mood. 

As bram returned with some milk and bread, he closed the door behind him and he could hear the tv quietly playing some show that simon had clearly put on. He put the milk and bread away before moving to find his boyfriend, who was not in the living room where the noise was coming from. This worried bram a bit as he began to search the downstairs for simon. 

He found him sat halfway up the stairs, staring into space with a far away look in his eyes. Bram sighed slightly, knowing what that meant before going back to the kitchen and grabbing simon's testing kit and the insulin pen. He knew it was easier to do the test before bringing him out of this state. Often, the needle going into his finger and then his insulin pen would bring him out of it anyway, but if it didn't, then bram didn't have to deal with it when he was bringing simon out of his state. 

He quickly did the test and injection, having done plenty of them at this point, and neither needle brought simon out of his state, so once the needles were far enough away, he sat down on the step down from simon and began to work on bringing him back. 

"si? Can you hear me?" bram asked, rubbing an arm on simon's shoulder with a fair amount of pressure. He watched as he continued to say things to bring simon back out of this, slowly watching as simon slowly came back to him, despite the far away look in his eyes not fading. 

"it's okay si, you're okay," bram said comfortingly as he saw panic enter simon's eyes and when he could finally move, and he quickly grabbed bram's hand to squeeze. 

"you just dissociated love, it's alright," he reassured him. 

"why in the stairs?" simon asked slightly, his voice a bit croaky from not using it for a while. 

"you were here when i got back from getting milk. You're 26.8," bram informed him as simon groaned slightly, resting his head in one of his hands. 

"sorry," he mumbled from where he was looking down. 

"hey, you have nothing to apologise for, alright?" bram said sternly, making simon nod slightly before he got up from the stairs. 

"did you want to go for a drive?" bram asked and simon thought for a moment before nodding. He helped simon get up and grabbed the needles in the stairs before one of them stepped on them or something similar. Simon sat on the counter in their kitchen as bram organised some things for them to go for a drive. He used the coolness of the counter to stop him from floating off again, but every time he almost did, bram would stop it from happening. Weather that be a soft kiss, a touch, some words or whatever. 

"you ready to go then?" bram asked simon once he had grabbed a bottle of coke zero from the fridge, his testing kit had been put in a bag and some socks, since simon didn't have any but he never liked wearing shoes when he had high bloods. Simon nodded vaguely before getting off the counter, letting bram lead him out to the car and put the stuff he had with him in the footwell before getting in the car himself. 

"wanna go anywhere in particular?" bram asked as he pulled out onto the road, simon already grabbing the bottle of fizzy drink and opening it whilst bram put down simon's window a bit. 

"i don't know," simon said, looking out of the window as bram nodded, trying to think of somewhere they could drive for a bit. 

"i'm gonna put on the radio, alright?" bram asked and simon vaguely nodded, focusing on the wind on his face. He distantly heard ariana grande on the radio, and then he felt bram's hand on his knee, as he turned his head to look at bram and smile at him slightly as he made himself more comfortable in his seat. 

Bram drove through the town for a bit, and eventually simon lost track of where they were. He wasn't particularly bothered, only focusing on bram's hand on his knee, the breeze and the fizziness of the drink he had. 

When they returned to the house, they sat in the car for a couple seconds before bram unstrapped and turned to look at simon. 

"do you feel a bit better?" he asked after an hour of driving, so simon's insulin should've begun working. 

"yeah a bit, thank you. I love you," he said quietly, grabbing bram's hand and squeezing it a bit before giving bram a small smile, which was returned. 

"i love you too, si." 

3\. 

Simon opened the door with heavy eyes, carrying the pile of student books he had to mark that evening. He always knew being a teacher was going to be hard work, but he didn't always regret the decision. 

Just some nights, like tonight. When his diabetes would get the better of him. 

"hi! I'm cooking pasta if you want some," he heard bram call from the kitchen but simon didn't bother replying, putting the books on the coffee table in two piles, before putting his bag down by the sofa and kicking his shoes off, lying down on the sofa and positioning a cushion under his head. 

"si?" he heard as bram approached him as he closed his eyes, sighing. 

"i feel like crap and i just wanna sleep," he mumbled without opening his eyes, feeling bram crouch down in front of him and brush some hair off his forehead. 

"bad day?" bram asked sympathetically, as simon groaned and nodded. 

"felt like crap all day," he replied. 

"have you tested?" bram asked, slowly moving his hand up and down simon's shirt clad arm. 

"mhm," simon mumbled, slowly opening his eyes to look at bram. 

"i've been high all day, but i don't think the kids wanted to understand that i wasn't feeling good," he said, before slowly closing his eyes again. 

"wanna test again now?" bram asked and simon was quick to shake his head. 

"okay, but later we will. Did you want some pasta?" bram asked and simon shook his head again. 

"go eat, bram. I'll be fine," he murmured as bram sighed and pressed a kiss to simon's head, bringing out a small smile in him despite how crappy he was feeling. 

"i'll be quick, alright?" he promised before getting up from his crouching position and leaving the room. Simon almost fell asleep within five minutes of bram leaving him, when his phone rung loudly. He groaned, forcing himself to open his eyes and sit up to answer his phone. 

"hello?" he said as he rubbed his eyes that were adjusting to the bright light. 

"simon, hi. I just thought i'd remind you about the staff meeting tomorrow at 6:30," one of his co workers, celeste spoke. 

"since when was there a staff meeting?" he asked in confusion. 

"since this morning when they called one. They couldn't do one after school so they moved it to early in the morning instead," celeste explained as he sighed. 

"yeah, i'll be there. Thanks for letting me know," he said before they said goodbye and hung up the phone. He groaned, leaving his phone on the sofa before forcing himself to get up and walk into the kitchen, loosening his tie as he walked. 

"what happened to 'i don't wanna move' simon?" bram asked with confusion as he looked up from his plate of pasta, which he was eating whilst looking at his phone. 

"need coffee. Staff meeting early tomorrow so i have to mark these books now," simon explained quietly, boiling the kettle before making the coffee and putting some sugar in it. 

"hey, they don't have to be done now. You need to take care of yourself," bram reminded him as he continued to eat and simon grabbed his coffee, leaning back against the counter he had just made it on. 

"yeah it does, because if i sleep like i desperately want to, i won't wake up properly until i have to tomorrow," simon said with a sigh, closing his eyes for a minute as bram looked at him with concern. 

"the books can wait," bram whispered once he was in front of simon. He put his phone in his back pocket as simon shook his head. 

"no, i need to start at least," simon insisted, budging around bram and walking into the living room where the pile of books were sat. He sat down on the floor with his coffee, legs sprawled out either side of the corner and back rested against the sofa as he grabbed a pen and opened the first book. 

__________

It was when simon had almost fallen asleep against the couch for the fifth time that bram intervened. He paused his tv show before sitting forward and moving towards simon, gently tapping his shoulder to   
wake him. 

"hm, sorry. I'm awake i promise," he murmured as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Bram sighed and took the pen from his hand, capping it before closing the books as simon looked up at him in confusion. 

"i'm gonna test you, okay?" bram asked quietly as simon sighed and just nodded. Bram was quick to get the kit from where simon had abandoned it in his bag, sitting on the floor next to simon as he reluctantly gave bram his hand to allow him to pick a finger to get blood from. He was quick to do it, with an apology when simon winced. Even after all these years, it still hurt to do, he wouldn't ever get used to it. 

"22.9," bram told him as simon nodded, not expecting any different. He did the injection before sighing and bram put the needles out of reach before opening his arms. Simon smiled, never passing up the opportunity to curl up in bram's lap and be held. 

"i feel like i'm being a baby," simon mumbled from where he had settled in bram's arms as bram chuckled. 

"it doesn't matter even if you were my love," bram said, smiling down at the man curled up in his arms. 

"wanna go to bed?" bram murmured and simon shook his head. 

"i don't wanna move," simon said and bram nodded, moving himself to the sofa and simon was quick to make himself comfortable in bram's arms again. 

"y'know, your chest is a very comfortable pillow," simon said seriously and bram laughed. 

"well, that's always good then," he replied as simon made an appreciative noise and after that they were quiet. Bram was watching the tv, and the next time he looked down, simon was quietly snoring, having wriggled himself half onto bram's lap and bram smiled, pulling him just a bit closer. 

4\. 

"argh!" bram heard from the office, so he got up quickly to go and see what made simon so angry. 

"what's wrong si?" bram asked once he reached the doorway and saw his husband stood in the middle of the room, staring at the laptop with frustration all over his face. 

"the bloody emails won't load," he muttered, trying to refresh the page again and when it wouldn't work, he shouted again, close to throwing something at it but bram stopped his, gently taking the empty mug out of his hand and placing it down on the desk before sitting in simon's desk chair, quickly fixing the issue. 

"see, all fixed. Nothing to get stressed about," bram said softly, getting up from the chair to stand in front of simon. He gently rested a hand on the side of simon's face, making him smile a bit as he backed into it. 

"thanks. Sorry for overreacting," he chuckled breathlessly, as bram smiled at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"it's fine. Go back to working," he replied, patting simon's shoulder before leaving him alone again. 

The second outburst was in the kitchen. 

"bram!" simon called as he moved from the kitchen to the living room where simon was reading a book. 

"yes sweetheart?" he asked, looking up from the book to see simon looking irritated. 

"do we have any more fizzy drinks?" 

"i don't think so, it's on our next shopping list," bram replied with a frown as simon's expression worsened. 

"for fuck's sake!" he said, before stalking back off into the kitchen. Bram knew there was something off with his boyfriend today, but he just couldn't put his finger on what it was. 

It was after the third outburst regarding the volume of the tv that finally made bram ask. 

"simon, what's going on? Talk to me," he said after lowering the volume of the tv, getting up and sitting on the arm of the chair simon was curled up in as he rolled his eyes at being disturbed. 

"nothing, i'm fine," he said with a sarcastic tone, making bram sigh. 

"cmon, i know you si, and i know you don't get angry unless something's bothering you, so talk to me," bram insisted, carefully making himself more comfortable. 

"nothing's wrong bram! Just drop it please," simon shouted, looking up at him angrily as bram frowned and got up from the chair. 

"i'll be in the bedroom when you decide you wanna talk," he said, walking off to the bedroom and leaving simon to wallow in his thoughts for a bit. Maybe it was what he needed. 

_____________

"i'm sorry," he heard after an hour, and when bram looked up from the laptop he was working at, he saw simon's face was stained with red, and his eyes were slightly puffy from what he presumed was crying. 

"you ready to talk?" bram asked as simon nodded, so bram shut his laptop screen and moved to sit on the edge of their bed, inviting simon to join him. 

"you know how sometimes i get into certain moods when i have high blood sugars?" simon started as bram nodded, grabbing simon's hand so that he knew that he was never mad with him. 

"well, this is one of them. I get angry at everything and i overreact and everything bubbles over," he said, sighing as bram rubbed his thumb over simon's knuckles comfortingly. 

"that's okay. I wish you'd just told me," bram replied quietly as simon nodded. 

"i'll try to in the future. I just always end up feeling really stupid for it because most of it is fixed really easily," simon shrugged as bram pulled him into a hug. 

"that doesn't matter. I'm never gonna think you're being stupid, alright? I love you and i wanna help, no matter what." 

"i love you too." 

5\. 

"i need to test in a bit," simon mumbled as he lay in bed with bram, legs tangled together. It was a Sunday, and they were both making the most of the opportunity to lie in bed for as long as they wanted. 

"no, stay a bit longer," bram whined, wrapping his arms around simon so he couldn't escape as they both laughed. 

"bram, no. C'mon love," simon protested whilst giggling, not struggling much when bram pulled him back on top of him as he bent down with a smile on his face and kissed him. 

As they were kissing, they rolled over and bram started working on a hickey on his neck (which made simon make several noises, all of which bram was enjoying) he felt a change suddenly. The feeling of bram's lips on his neck, his body heat, simon's own noises, the light, everything just became way too much way too quickly. 

Once he came to his senses and realised what was happening, he was quick to push bram off him, quickly getting off the bed in just his boxers and bram watched as he looked around the room panicked, like a deer caught in headlights. 

"simon?" he asked as simon shook his head, walking backwards until his back collided with the wall and he slid down it, pulling his knees to his chest as he mumbled to himself, presumably trying to calm him down. Bram feared it was the start of another dissociation episode, so he quickly pulled on some sweats and attempted to get closer to his boyfriend to ground him. 

"simon, can i touch you love?" he asked and simon rapidly shook his head. He wasn't dissociating, but something was going on. 

"sensory..." he muttered as bram understood, quickly standing up to close the blackout blinds, and rifled through the bedside drawer to find simon's testing kit (which he was asking for anyway) and his noise cancelling headphones. This happened every so often, so they were both prepared. Bram put them both on the floor a fair distance from simon so he wasn't getting too close, and left the room for the airing cupboard where they kept his blanket. It was a really thick blanket designed to be one texture, but was quite heavy so it could ground him and stop touch overwhelming him. It mainly only worked in winter because it was too hot the rest of the year, but luckily for them, it was winter. 

By the time bram returned, simon had turned and presumably given insulin, judging by the needle attached to the pen, and had put on the noise cancelling headphones, quickly reaching out for the blanket when he saw bram had it. It didn't take him long to wrap it around himself and sit back down in his cocoon. 

When everything was quiet, bram took a minute to look through the recordings on simon's meter. He saw '30.4' as the most recent reading, and it made everything click into place. Thankfully for him, simon had explained what to do for him when he had a sensory overload before, and he was fairly good at communicating what was going on when he had a sensory overload, so bram could get him everything he needed. 

Bram got up without a word and left the room, closing the door behind him to leave simon in the silence and the darkness, which he knew was what simon needed at the minute. He would venture out when he was ready. He made sure to avoid having anything loud, despite the headphones simon had on, and he avoided cooking anything that smelt too strong. 

Eventually simon ventured out of their bedroom, a few hours later. He found bram on the sofa, watching a film whilst texting somebody. Simon still had the noise cancelling headphones on, but he had abandoned the blanket in the bedroom, realising he wanted to be held by bram for a bit whilst he let the auditory overload wash over him. 

When bram spotted him, he smiled and blew a kiss in his direction quietly, making simon smile. He would've patted the space next to him, but he didn't know if simon was still sensitive to touch. Apparently not, as simon quickly came over to him and sat down directly in bram's lap, his legs hooked over bram's and spilling over onto the rest of the sofa. Bram wrapped his arms around him protectively. 

It didn't take simon long to settle and fall back asleep in his arms. 

Yeah, simon's illness was a lot to deal with most of the time. But bram wouldn't change anything, knowing that at the end of the day, he loved his boyfriend and his boyfriend loved him, and that was all they needed. No obstacle was going to stop them from loving one another.


End file.
